Happy New Year! I literally brought in the New Year in my bed. No partying for me.
I wasn’t happy about it at first. I mean I was actually pretty upset, but then I had to check myself and my heart. I asked myself, “Why do you think you have to go out to celebrate New Years Eve?” I honestly didn’t have a valid answer.
Instead, I spent the evening thinking back on this past year and all that I’ve experienced and gone through. So as 2017 closes, I’m realizing that this is the first time I’ll actually be entering the new year with a new perspective on things and literally no regrets. I’ve never accomplished such a stress free way of thinking.
Despite the trials and failures I’ve been through, I’m feeling very positive about the year to come. My 2017 has been full of doubt, overthinking, stress, disconnection, and resentment – from the outside the people around me would never know these things. I put on make-up and a smile but, I can’t lie its been a pretty trying year for me. However, I’m feeling extremely positive and alacritous about 2018.
I literally spent majority of the year teetering with my faith and questioning my relationship with Pops (The Lord). I went from praying everyday to deferring my prayer time. Then I began to feel guilty about it, so it caused me to stop praying all together. This was probably one of the biggest mistakes I could have made; simply because I lack focus and get easily distracted with things already. So if I don’t pray and ask Pops for direction, I become overwhelmed with my day to day tasks and nothing gets done. I get just stuck gazing upon a cluster of unfinished business with no idea of what to tackle first. I know.. I sound like a child, but I am a child – I’m His child. Don’t get me wrong I’m very much an adult, with adult responsibilities that I sometimes wish I didn’t have (but am very grateful for). However, I realized that I can’t accomplish my goals without my Pops by my side, without Him directing me towards the right path, nor without Him lifting me up when I fall.
Trust me – I fell a lot!
Battling my trials, hiding my emotions, and pretending like everything’s okay, is exhausting – especially when you feel like you have no one to talk to about it. Its been a draining year, but I’m appreciative of every bit of it. I’ve been shown that I can’t depend solely on myself. I need help – I need Pops. While getting back on track with Pops and being more obedient in my tasks, I’m enthusiastic about the year to come.
Happy New Year!